Keith Hernandez, Friend to Women

This past week, former Met Keith Hernandez protested the appearance of a female massage therapist in the San Diego Padres' dugout. She was ostensibly there to attend to the aches and pains of players during the game. He was probably just joking, in suggesting that women don't belong in the dugout. And, I'll contend three things: A.) He was right. Women don't belong in the dugout. B.) Keith's timing wasn't very good. C.) You've got to be a bigger star than K. Hernandez to get away with such a verbal misstep.

Of course, I've got a daughter. And, I don't believe I'm setting her or her gender back to the days of suffragettes and abolition by suggesting that I don't want her anywhere near those mouth-breathing, tobacco-spitting race horses in the heat of competition. The offense she takes at being barred from entry is nothing compared to the offense of hair-curling remarks she'll hear if entry is allowed. And, why ask players to have to dodge around the litigation minefield presented by mixing genders? The accidental brush or other physical contact or misconstrued statement by a ballplayer could expose him to poor publicity and/or litigation. If the game is played purely, a ballplayer has only to focus on balls, strikes, effort, wins, pennants and championships. My daughter focuses on the same thing, playing softball. I don't think she wants any guys tidying up the dugout, while she's getting her game on.

I'll contend that we're on the backside of the era of political correctitude. I think all people, be they men or women, gay, straight or otherwise are getting tired of having to mind their casual banter for fear of being ticketed by the PC Police. This period of social McCarthyism is thankfully nearing its end. If it leaves us with a little common sensitivity to others, that will be ok. None of this excuses Hernandez' poor judgement. He may not be wrong. But, he's a knucklehead for making himself a lightning rod for criticism.

Who does Keith think he is? Babe Ruth? Now, the Bambino got away with murder:

"I'll promise to go easier on drinking and to get to bed earlier, but not for you, fifty thousand dollars, or two-hundred and fifty thousand dollars will I give up women. They're too much fun."

Wow! If Keith Hernandez had said that , the National Organization of Women would be all lathered up and marching on the capitol.

The former Met slugger's good timing with a baseball doesn't mean he isn't a clumsy commentator. Now, if Charles Barkley had said anything similar, it wouldn't have raised an eyebrow. For example, at halftime of this year's All-Star game, in response to seeing Beyonce in the crowd, Barkley said, "All I wanna know is when ya see someone that pretty, how can you go to Brokeback Mountain?" If anyone else makes that statement, the city of San Francisco would declare war on the rest of the country. Certainly, Keith H. doesn't reach that level of star-power. Keith shouldn't say things that might be construed as discriminatory toward women. But, that doesn't mean I would ever want my precious little girl anywhere near a major league dugout.

Open Letter to Aggie Baseball Coach

Dear Coach Childress,
Being an Aggie, I like to give a helping hand to my fellow maroon-bloods whenever possible. And, it seems the honorable men of Olsen Field are poised for only their second losing record since the Eisenhower Administration. So, I thought you might benefit from some hard and fast rules to success in order to turn this thing around. I don’t know if you’re a big “character” guy, like your predecessor, Mark Johnson. Since you spent the eight years prior to now as pitching coach at Nebraska, maybe pitching will be the key to your team’s turnaround. Maybe not. Maybe you’ll emphasize hot bats.

A quick note about that “character” thing: last year, I talked to Jason Tyner about his days in College Station. He remembered Coach Johnson as a bit of a disciplinarian, who was also exceedingly truthful and loyal to his players. His personal comportment was exemplary. In fact, Jason said that he could remember one time that Johnson used an expletive for emphasis. (It starts with “S” and rhymes with quit.) That was a sign to Tyner that his coach was as angry as he could be at his players. The cuss words were almost as rare as the number of Johnson’s losing seasons (That would be: 1.)

Due to your experience, you might consider pitching to be the key to your introduction to that celestial place called the Top 25. But, be careful there. Last year, Johnson’s 3.66 team ERA, albeit the lowest in four years, got him 9th Place in the BIG 12 AND a ticket out of town. Surprisingly, the Aggies’ current 3.29 team ERA is second in the conference to Nebraska. WHOOP!-dee-doo. They are also enduring an unprecedented seven game losing streak, after Tuesday night’s loss to the kind lads from Houston.

So, is it all about batting? Maybe. But, not necessarily. Last year, Baylor finished LAST in the conference in team batting average (.269 (40 points below league leader, Kansas State.)) Recall also that those Waco Bears finished #4 in the Baseball America Poll. And, the two teams that currently lead the Big 12 in team batting avg. (Texas Tech .329 and KSU .326) are in the lower half of the conference standings.

So Coach, it isn’t all about hitting. Nor is it all about pitching. There’s really nothing hard and fast that you can always depend on to go your way. I wish I could offer you more…… Well, maybe I can.

I took my eleven year old son to College Station in May of 2003. My boy was electrified at the prospect of experiencing everything about Aggie Baseball at Coach Johnson’s scheduled camp. The timing was difficult because the Ags were scheduled to play Houston in the championship of the NCAA Regional at Olsen. They had only to beat the Houston Cougars once, in order to advance. And, as you probably know, the fine gents from Aggieland fought hard and long into the night. I believe the last out was after 11:00PM. The whole town was deflated at the sudden and shocking end of the season. My boy understood the heartbreak. And, he didn’t expect the players to be at the field to meet him the next day at 7:30A.M., given the circumstances. Well, to my everlasting surprise, every last player who was not a graduating senior was there even after the crushing defeat. Every coach was there to process the kids. And, front and center was Mark Johnson.

Coach, I trust your baseball I.Q. I know Mr. Byrne does his due diligence. But, given the circumstances, I would say that the bloom is off the rose. And, I could criticize. But, I have every confidence that you’ll return Aggie Baseball to greatness. You’ll do it with consistent pitching, defense and timely hitting. But, please Coach; remember the “character” thing. You don’t have to be just like your predecessor. But, take a page out of his book. Be the kind of man who keeps his word. Be the kind of coach who doesn’t throw his players under the bus. Earn no words other than reverent remembrances from your former players. Be a man who remembers that our kids look to you as an example. If you’ll do that, I’m sure you’ll have twenty great years, just like Coach Johnson.

Good luck and Gig’em, Patrick J. Titus ‘88

Ebarb, Big Hitter

(Beaumont, TX) The Southland Conference named Lamar University’s C.J. Ebarb as their Aeropostale Hitter of the Week on April 10, 2006. No doubt, this is a new name to most. But, this is a young man who has been working at his stroke in the developmental hinterlands for several years.

Ebarb enters the Division I baseball fan’s radar, currently boasting a hefty .571 slugging percentage. He is in the top ten in the Southland Conference in HR’s, doubles, slugging percentage and RBI’s.

Long-time Lamar University Assistant, Matt Thompson believes that it was only a matter of time before Ebarb received recognition. “He just loves playing. He’s the consummate hitter. And, being a catcher, he understands both the mechanics of his swing and the strategy of pitchers”, said Coach Thompson. He went further: “CJ goes above and beyond most college athletes, often going independently for BP after formal team practice.”

As a four year starter at Jasper (TX) HS, Lamar’s catcher set school records for BA, OBP and walks. His team bio reveals that he helped Southern Nevada Junior College win the 2003 NJCAA National Championship, and that he was selected to the All-Tournament Team that year.

Although he has been consistently exceptional on the diamond at every level, recognition has been slow coming. But as Coach Thompson says, he loves to play. And, with his team sitting atop the league, after a (4/7-4/9) three-game sweep of 2nd place UTA, he likes to win. It’s never been about the accolades.

(I like this guy. He's a character. He caught a bullpen thrown by my son once. My son felt really big-time.)

What You Didn't Know...

I don't know if I've ever told you that Fiber One can make you run like a Swiss time piece. As we age, this is increasingly important. I eat it everyday. Look for it in the Alfalfa section of your grocery store. During my last prostate exam, the doctor compared my colon to the lobby at the Austin Four Seasons for its impressive cleanliness, as he considered re-using his glove. That went a long way toward helping me recapture my dignity.

(Aaron Morgan, Home Run Swing, 4/9/06)
During my son's baseball tournament this weekend, our head coach was stricken by the call (more like the command)of nature during one of our games. I felt compelled to advise him about the healthful effects of eating F1 with regularity, for regularity. In that tournament, the SE Texas Sundevils took 2nd Place, losing the fiercely competitive championship game, as the sun fell in Lake Charles, Louisiana on Sunday Evening. John had 2 triples and a double during the tourney. (He must be eating Wheaties. )

You probably didn't know it, but I was finally getting ready to proclaim Yao Ming not a bust. And, all of a sudden, the big Chinese horse threw a shoe, last night against the Jazz. He has always frustrated me because of his lack of agression, despite gargantuan size and ability. More out of basic courtesy than anything else, he deferred to Steve Francis and recently T-Mac as the first option. But this year in light of McGrady's injury, he found himself forced to be THE GUY, while surrounded by a low-end CBA roster for most of the season. Up until then, he lead the league in scoring (at his position) and was third in boards behind Ben Wallace and Marcus Camby.

You probably didn't know about Norman Chad. His syndicated column is called the Couch Slouch. His work has no educational or nutrional value. (But, neither does Budweiser. And, no one questions its place in society.) He is the only source of humor to be found in the realm of sports in the Houston area. People of the Houston area are saddled by the lackluster work in the Houston Chronicle sports page. H-Town sports-fans are encumbered by limp, flacid and formulaic sports-talk on AM 610. Superior product from the DFW area (Dallas Morning News Sports Page and AM 1310 The Ticket) is discussed only in low whispers, assumedly because of deep-seeded jealousy.

The Texas Rangers are last in the AL West. No surprise. They jumped out to a typical 2-6 start. But, I bet you didn't know that Rookie Ian Kinsler is hitting better than .400 (9 for 20) as Alfonso Soriano's replacement. No doubt, he eats his Fiber One.

Alicia's Meeting

Last week, the biggest thing in my nine-year-old daughter’s life was that she and I went to the pet store to buy her a hamster. The little puncture marks in my fingers are testament to the fact that no matter how sincerely kids promise to take care of their new pets, the responsibility falls upon the parent. But, it meant so much to her. She giggles when she holds the hamster she named “Grace”.

Also, last week a bus carrying our Beaumont girl’s high school soccer team crashed and rolled 1 ½ times, in bad weather on Highway 90, heading to Houston for a playoff game. Two precious girls were killed, one a sophomore and one a senior. Two doting fathers were irreparably afflicted by the broken hearts that they will carry until the end of their lives.

My son knew Ashley Brown from a meeting at friend Aaron Morgan’s house. He said she was very nice. Aaron’s sister is one of the friends left behind to be irreversibly scarred and defined by this event. My wife works with Alicia Bonura’s father, Mike Bonura. He is a fine employee of Exxon-Mobil, who with his wife also has two handsome sons. Mike was back at work less than one week after the event, no doubt trying to escape the words, songs and memories that his daughter had so lovingly, generously left for him. Alicia’s MySpace page is now the cyber-meeting place for her friends and her memory, where their words plead with her to make sense of it all.

A National Honor Society member, Alicia dreamed of playing soccer at Texas A&M, and majoring in Engineering. She wrote that she loved God and couldn’t wait to meet Him. Her faith and future were like her smile: brilliant.

These are the times when we scratch our heads and utter with resignation: “Well, we must remember that God has a plan.”, despite the sense of inadequacy that we assign our own words.

My wife didn’t want a hamster: they run their treadmills like a buzz-saw in the middle of the night. Their cage constantly smells like a port-a-john in August. They bite.

My family attended Alicia Bonura’s wake at her family’s Catholic Church. I was struck by the poise and silent dignity of her family at a time of such despair and vulnerability. It almost seemed that they willed themselves to live up to her wondrous memory by being the best they could force themselves to be. Still, nothing anyone could have said to them could have soothed the unquenchable, smoldering despair caused by the loss of their family’s most shining light.

Alicia’s friends write angrily on her MySpace page that their school is trying to move forward, but they’re not ready. It’s just too soon for them. Still, they’ll have to move onward. We all will. And, I'll be stuck with this hamster while I await my daughter’s release from school. And, I’ll be there early to pick her up because I'm reminded that every moment with her is my privilege and a blessing.