Will the Thrill

This lad pictured is a hockey player in Glenview, Illinois, named Will. He is the youngest of three boys. Will is all about hockey. I think he's eight years old. One of the reasons sports are so great is that the playing field in sports is about as level as it ever gets in a child's life.

The other day, a friend of mine lamented the outside influences that his son faces in school, such as institutional reverse-racism and the permeation of sexual influences. Our lad Will doesn't have to worry about any of that on the rink. In sports, your opponent is always visible and usually right between you and your goal.

An interesting tidbit about the picture of Will. Notice the new blue puck.. It weighs less than the traditional black puck, thereby making it easier for the littles to maneuver it around the goalies head. They use the blue puck at the mite level ( ages 5-8).

Naturally, Will's older two brothers think the kids who use the blue pucks are wimps, and enjoy commenting on it EVERY single time they watch him play, as though they were seeing it for the first time. They say things like " Give me a break!' and "That is so ridiculous" or "What's up with the blue puck?" That teasing is what is going to make Will the baddest of the three.


Headlines: Today I saw a headline that said that 5 people were gunned down in Detroit, in the span of ten minutes, in separate incidents. It's getting pretty ugly there. And, the body count is piling up. No doubt, the Democrats will want us soon to pull out.

Hey Dads, Man up.

Yesterday, I heard a voice on the Christian radio station say something about the importance of keeping your children near, spending every possible bit of time with them. The speaker explained that jealously guiding our kids throughout their youths is the only way we parents could protect them from the media and their peers’ attempts at getting them to join in non-meritorious (for lack of a much more colorful word) activities. It is increasingly difficult for fathers to find the moral perch from which to guide their kids. Society wants your children to fail. And, it wants you to fail as a parent. Society uses the ‘Times are Changing’ rationale and the ‘Let them grow up.’ Arguments to knock you off balance. You dads need to recognize these. Never forget that no one cares more deeply for your child than you. When people want your kids to do something you’re not certain about, just say ‘no’.

The ‘Times are changing (TAC)’ Argument goes thusly:

“C’mon. Now days, young kids have cell phones and text-messaging. They go to movies. They have the internet. What’s the harm? How’s your kid going to function in society if you don’t let him/her do it?

Folks, all these things are true. But, our society also has pedophiles and a justice system that fails its’ victims with a moral uncertainty that precludes even defining sexual perversion as clearly wrong. Our society also has a long list of STDs that cause everything from opaque, pastel petro-chemicals to small patches of little mushrooms on or about the genitalia. Introduce your kid to these hazards on your timetable, not society’s timetable. The path our children walk is murky. And, the stakes are their futures. When assailed by the ‘Times are changing.’ Argument, resist the urge to bludgeon the speaker and just say ‘no’.

Here is the ‘Let them grow up (LTGU)’ line of reasoning:

“Hey, how is your boy ever going to learn to think for himself? When are you going to let him grow up? You need to let him make his own decisions.”

This scenario comes up often in the picking-of-friends. Affluent, any-way-the-wind-blows-tennis-mommy will lament her daughter’s choice of boyfriends. “Oh well, you can’t pick their friends,” she’ll say as if that is outside a parent’s contractual purview. What?!

Remember, a good parent has more experience upon which to base his/her decisions. If your daughter rides up on the back end of some oily, tattooed kid’s uninsured motorcycle, you need to have the fortitude to run his ass off your property while blowing the rubber off the back rim with your shotgun. Again, the stakes are too high today not to have the courage to be a parent.

We not only protect our children, but we impart our faith and values during the time we spend together. My friend, Tommy Moye took his boys, Robert and Ryan to Smith Point this past weekend to go duck hunting. This dad spends his time with his boys during sports and hunting activities and projects his values upon his boys by the way he gives them a central role in his life. He has a terrible aim, but is a great dad.

I’ve had to field both the LTGU and TAC during my kids’ youths. Both are so common, people just accept them as valid. But, the acceptance of these arguments is the forfeiture of your role and responsibility as a parent. Man up. Be a parent. Just say “no”.

Spicoli Kills Tigers

We few viewers who watched the World Series probably feel differently about Jeff Weaver, aka "Jeff Spicoli", since the playoffs. Note: He's going to be a free-agent. So, his motiviation was high.

During the season, he was terrible for the Angels, who traded him for cash considerations from the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim for outfielder Terry Evans. Spicoli's regular season numbers are remarkable, only for their flacidity. Left-handers hit .340 against him. His HOME ERA for the regular season was 7.70. That's bad on a historic scale.

In the playoffs, he reversed everything, posting a 2.43 ERA and a win in the World Series when the lights were brightest. A phenonemal performance for Weaver. Somebody great once said: "Give me 9 players in their contract year, and I'll win a pennant."

News from the White House This isn't really news from THE White House. I'm referring to Valley Ranch, DFW. The Great Timinator Phillips, Fort Worth Fireman and Sports-Analyst gives his thoughts on the latest conniptions inside Texas Stadium:

Question: Who is to blame for all those sacks last Monday Night?

Timinator: I hate laying the blame on anyone in particular, but if you were to back me into a corner and ask who is to blame for the O Line this year I would have to say it's the positional coach.

Question:Can any team that has the volatilite mix of Jones/TO ever get to the playoffs?

Timinator: As far as the TO/Jerry Jones question I don't know where to begin. There is no doubt TO is an ass beating for Parcells. I'm sure he gets tired of answering questions about him. No question he is a top-flight athlete and by that definition he would make any team better. It's the other crap you get with this nut-job that you have to put up with. I'm not in the locker room with this guy so I don't REALLY know how it is to play with him.

A lot of times the media drives the public into thinking the way someone should think about something or someone (i.e. Al-Jazeera West aka CNN). That's not always the way things are. The only thing that bugged me about him so far was after he dropped the 4th and 2 pass Monday night he was shown laughing on the sidelines. He is the first to lash out at someone for not playing up to their potential and there he is smiling. I miss the days when someone like Ditka or Butkus would have taken one of these high priced punks and beat the shit out of them.

The Timinator played linebacker at Sam Houston HS in Arlington, Texas, where he was known as "White Chocolate". We at the Vicarious Life think that the Timinator would make a good County Sheriff.

* Ever since ESPN let Keith Olbermann back on-board, it's been an on-the-air keg party for socialists. The Bush-bashing happens at almost every telecast of Sportcenter.

* No one has pointed out that my pick for the World Series actually lost. Thank you. The loss was devastating enough.

* Chicago's Sean O'Connor points out that watching a game involving a team you hate can actually be more exciting than watching your favorite team. Whoever is playing your enemy becomes a surrogate-favorite. Sean hypothesizes that we men may actually dedicate more energy to our foes. I found this phenomena to be true this past weekend as I cheered on the Texas Tech Red Raiders against the reviled Longhorns from Austin. Henceforth, this will be the Surrogate-Favorite Theory.

Memoirs of the Eleven-Year-Old All-Stars

Sometimes I marvel at my kid's memory of games-played. He will pass a kid in another town and recall having struck him out. Then, he'll recall something about the game that stimulates my memory. Kids' games are important and formative. It's ironic that we sometimes don't appreciate that, though we might vividly recall the play-by-play of childhood games from decades past.

Two of my good highschool friends from Chicago, Sean O'Connor and Todd Projansky were shaped by the game too. They recall the setting, the players and the atmosphere from the otherwise forgotten days on anonymous fields where (unbeknownst to their parents) men were tested and legends were crowned. Projo, whose daughter is an All-Star caliber goalie on her all-boy's hockey team, appreciates the formative influence of sports.

O'Connor:

Projo was pretty good at baseball. We both played at Glenbrook South (our highschool) and at Maine Northfield little league.

Those in the Glenview Little League used to strut around like they were the sh#t. But I'm sure our all-star team could have beat them. Projo is all about the baseball....

Projansky:

Glenview vs. Maine Northfield!! Ah yes, the good ole days. The greatest game I ever participated in was as an 11 year old (circa 1978)in this storied rivalry. (Projansky played for Maine Northfield.)

Glenview put Peter Janus on the mound (later played at Rollins in Fla. and was a walk-on at Miss. State prior to that with Palmeiro, Thigpen and Will Clark). Maine Northfield countered with Marc Bartalotta (played at both U. of Houston and New Orleans with Jim Bullinger).

The Glenview (Illinois) lineup had Jim Niemann (a real bastard who beat me (Titus)in a fight in 1981 when we were highschool sophomores), a guy with a beard and mustache named Harris and several other luminaries. The Maine Northfield lineup had a psycho named Rob Orlowski behind the plate who scared the crap out of me, but at least he was on my team.

The 6 inning game is in the top of the 6th. Each team had 1 hit in the game and it was tied 0-0. I come up with a man on 1st and 2 outs. I muscle up and 1 hop one off of the fence. The man on 1st (Mitch Oppenheim who was a druggie and rock and roller from Maine East) didn't realize that there were 2 outs; so he wasn't moving on contact. He held at 3rd. It could have been the game-winner. The next guy popped out.

We head to the bottom of the ninth with the starters STILL on the mound (no pitch counts back then). Janus walked. He then proceeded to steal 2nd and 3rd and come home on a wild pitch.

I feel so much like Al Bundy regaling in my pre-pubescent glory. Good times.
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At the ballpark, boys will be boys. And, some boys will be legends. Legends, baby!

And, most parents think they're just dropping their kids off at the ballpark to pass the time.

Pity Poor A-Rod

Steinbrenner took somebody’s good advice: keep A-Rod. Although it may just be a smoke-screen, Gotham’s Team is saying that they aren’t considering dumping the converted 3rd baseman. Good! The Yankees put the “fun” in dysfunctional. They are an impossible organization, with unrealistic, pseudo-ballgame-intellectuals for fans. As long as Steinbrenner has been the boss, his town has eaten highly-touted free-agents like they were Ballpark Franks.

Kenny Rogers sure seemed to relish the humiliation of the Yankees in Detroit last week (10/6/06). For the record, The Gambler gunned down New York’s latest Murderer’s Row for 7.2 innings, posting 8 K’s, 2 BB’s and no earned runs in front of the Tiger’s home crowd. In addition to the obvious incentive, Rogers wanted to show Yankees’ fans that they had misjudged and mistreated him, after labeling him a $20 Million free-agent bust in 1996.

The crux of Gotham’s Chicken/Egg Issue is this: either A.)Do free-agents put on pinstripes, underachieve and draw boos? or B.) Do they put on pin-stripes, draw boos during the inevitable adjustment period and then failure snow-balls? Based upon the following list, I tend to choose option “B”.

Does anyone remember Jack McDowell? How about Jose’ Contreras? Steve Karsay or Danny Tartabull? During the tribulations endured by these very good players, a younger Steinbrenner’s M.O. was to take his losses, put the blame on the players, and move on to the franchise’s next potential savior. By the way, don’t you think that Randy Johnson’s favorite player in the clubhouse is A-Rod? Thanks to all the attention, less ink and expletives were cast in the direction of The Big Unit’s 5.0 regular season ERA.

Of the $25 Million A-Rod earns per year, the Yankee’s pay only $17 Million of it, thanks to the Rangers’ charitable send-off. That’s actually less than Jeter, Giambi and Mussina. So, Yankees fans ought to stop choosing the “salary” stick to beat him.

A-Rod had a down year, by his standards. He only tied for 8th in homers in the A.L. Terrible. He only batted .290 during the regular season. Inexcusable. He had a better on-base percentage than White Sox MVP candidate, Jermaine Dye. Oh, yeah. Alex should hang it up and start selling cars.

Yes, he had fielding and throwing errors when it mattered, not to mention his failure to produce big hits at big moments. But, this season in New York shouldn’t exemplify A-Rod’s let-down. It should instead magnify the unfortunate results of Yankee Fans’ sad tendency to eat their young. Kenny Rogers barely got out of town with his skin and his dignity intact, back in ’97. Is it any wonder why he seemed so especially jubilant last Friday Night?

The Southwestern Swami Speaks

If you're reading this, you're probably a parent. If so, are you raising your kid to be a leader of others? Yes? Then, spank the fire out of him/her when they are (shall we say) testing the limits of discipline in your household. During my childrens' upbringing, I have erred on the side of excess when it comes to corporal punishment. I know Dr. Spock would disagree with my approach. But, his famous handbook to parenting came out in the 1960's. And, look at what a counter-productive counter-culture that became.

USAToday canvassed today's CEO's on the issue of whether or not they were spanked, switched, beaten. Check out the results. And, for heaven's sake, beat your kids if you love them.

The St. Anne's Wildcats are scheduled to take on the team from Nederland Central today at 6:30PM. Central is much bigger than our humble Catholic School. But, so was the Great Philistine. I believe in our boys. I predict an upset. I'll tell you one thing, I've got a great track record of sports prognositcation. Read on and be amazed.....

Hate To Say I told You So Dept.
Last October I recounted Pudge's Greatness. (Click on the previous sentence to read my insightful words.) Last August 24th, I predicted the Tigers were this year's team of destiny. (Click on the previous sentence to be dazzled by my analysis.) And, I predicted the Twins would make the playoffs (August 22nd Entry) once Beaumont's own Jason Tyner was called up. Tyner was called up July 14th, 2006. When Tyner was called up, the Twins were a hopeless 12 games out of 1st place. On the date of my fearless prediction, they were 8 games out. 8 Games out!!! That's like having $1.76 in change, and saying you're going to buy an Escalade.

So, I think I've established my credentials in the realm of sports-predictions.

Titus Throws for 2 TD's in win over Lumberton

John Titus threw two TD passes during St. Anne's visit to Lumberton. What makes it more compelling is that the two were the only passes thrown in the first half. Two for two for 14 points. Not bad. His team ended up winning 26-0. So far, he's 3-0 as the starting QB.

The Junior had his IPod on all the way over to the game. I could hear him jamming to Kashmir, by a little known British quartet, Led Zeppelin. He did indeed get his inner-psycho on for this game. He had a run for 40 yards on one run, where he shed some tackles most aggressively. A very nice little overall performance.

In football,it is very evident how much one player depends on another for team success. This team's coaching, offensive line and running back group are all very good. Every player does his job. Everybody succeeds.

The Down-Low

You can't put too much garlic on a dish. It's always safe to double the amount of garlic that is called for in a recipe.

It is not a widely disseminated, downloaded or discussed fact that the average life expectancy for all pro football players, including all positions and backgrounds, is 55 years. Several insurance carriers say it is 51 years. - Michael Arnold Glueck, M.D., and Robert J. Cihak, M.D.

Fire Fran Now

Since taking over in 2003, Coach Franchione has fearlessly led the Aggies to a combined 16-19 record. During that time, A&M has played OU, Texas and Texas Tech a combined 10 times. Our record in those games, since the arrival of the current coach: 1-9. Is it just me, or did we really not find a love-connection here.

Choice Seats on the Bandwagon

Here's a picture from last Thursday's Game. John's team lost. But, he continues to get touches, show improvement and gain confidence. He's going to be a nice prospect when he's in highschool. The starting QB has a wrist injury, and now Junior's the player under center. On Saturday, he got into the weight room and benched 160 for the first time. He was pumped.

Speaking of getting pumped, click this link:
Ronnie Coleman with Brian Dobson: Spotter This is 7 Time Mr. Olympia, Ronnie Coleman. Behind him is Brian Dobson, Trainer and Owner of Metroflex Gym in Arlington, Texas. I lifted at this gym throughout the 1990's. It is not an exxageration to say that all who enter are felons, strippers and professional bodybuilders. Both Brian and Ronnie were always very nice to my kids. So, I'll forgive all the rest.

MLB Notes I'm still waiting for all my propers to start rolling in. As many of you will recall, I have been touting the importance of TEAM ERA as the reason for The Tigers success as well as the White Sox demise. I have been harping the electrifying spark of Jason Tyner as the edge needed down the stretch for the Twins to carve a Wild Card berth. A quick scan of the MLB standings will illustrate that I have been spot-on in my analysis. Certainly, many will want to send compliments. Please be pithy. We don't want to over-work the server.

looking for daylight in Mauriceville

Political Note: My President's silence, after Iran's Ahmedanijad and Venezuala's Chavez belched out hubris and hatred towards Americans and their leader, is admirable. Sometimes a person baits another with such assinine vitriol that the best response is none at all; just let their remarks stand on their own. No need to dignify them.

Local Football: The Junior is expected to get equal touches at the I-Back position and the Wideout position tonight as his St. Anne's Wildcats take on Hampshire-Fannette. Last week, Junior led the team in receiving yardage. But, he coughed up the ball once on the five yard line as the defense salvaged a tie vs. Mauriceville.

Fantasy Football Update: At this point in the season, it becomes increasingly clear who the contenders are, as others fail to replace people who have bye-weeks. Important to keep the roster filled with active players. Still holding the #1 spot this week is Former Colorado All Stater, Paul Mefford. #2 Spot is held by a UT fan whose identity is a mystery to me. But, #3 is Chicago's Todd Projansky, the renowned student of box score.

Very Important Video Link from YouTube

Please click on this link to see an important video clip that my friend Laurie Harmon sent.

Get Ready.

My First Book Report in a While

I've had a lot of back trouble in the past month and a half. I've had doctors telling me that I have to make "lifestyle" changes, i.e.; I have to stop lifting weights. Simultaneously, I've been reading a book by Dave Dravecky, a former MLB pitcher who was an All-Star, went to the World Series, and had it all going on.

Dravecky developed Cancer in his throwing arm. Doctors amputated the arm in the peak of his career. The book is called Called Up. Dravecky uses his experiences to illustrate that we pin our faith on other gods. He: his arm. Me: vanity or selfishness; whatever. You? (Take your time, and be honest.)

God sometimes takes these false gods away from us to fix our focus on Him. Anyway, its a cool book for the Christian-Baseball fan/historian.

The Subtext for this Weekend

This photo is referred to me by our great friend, and football talent evaluator, Tim Phillips of Arlington, Texas. It depicts Pearl Harbor Survivor, Houston James, embracing Marine Staff Sgt. Mark Graunke Jr.. The Sgt. lost a leg, hand and an eye while defusing a bomb in Baghdad last year. What a sacrifice the entire armed forces make for us.

With that in mind, the Vicarious Life staff would like to express outrage over the gamesmanship played this week by Republican Senators, John Warner and John McCain for siding with Democrats to dissallow CIA interrogations of terrorists and give terrorist protection under the terms of the Geneva Convention. It was our current mode of information gathering that allowed England and the U.S. to stop the British 9/11, just a few weeks ago. When the next big attack on America happens, remember to blame the Democrats and Warner and McCain for applying rules of law and fair-play to a group of savages, who apply no standards of ethics, morality, truth or fairness to themselves. We owe better to our sons (like Graunke Jr.) for their sacrifice.

This Weekend's Big Games

Michigan vs. Notre Dame - Collin Cowherd of ESPN reported today that Michigan has received exactly none of the state's Top Ten Ranked Players' committments. UM just isn't sexy. A win at ND would be a real shot in the arm. But, it won't happen. ND by 6.

LSU @ Auburn - At Oklahoma State, Les Miles had a great deal of success. He's a good details guy, in the mold of Jimmy Johnson. But, LSU fans have an unmatched ability to display classlessness during both losses and victories. Their tailgaters are mythical in their debauchery. They'll be the fans watching the game with one eye covered. It just wouldn't be right for LSU to beat the Tigers. Auburn by 7.

Texas Tech at TCU - Last week, Tech escaped UTEP by only 3 points. There has been a working theory that they could insert the ballboy to run Mike Leach's offense, because it was the system that made Tech hard to beat. TCU is going to show them that you've also got to play defense. TCU by 10.

One Patriotic College Football Player

Thanks to our faithful friend, Travis Wilson, Texas A&M, Class of '89 for sending this link about Mark Dodge, college football player and Military Veteran:

Mark Dodge, Texas Aggie

Fantasy Football Standings

In the top spot, after Week One is former Colorado All-State Infielder, Paul Mefford. Take a look at this roster of solid pick-ups and dark-horses. Paul is now an engineer, who uses slide rules and computer programs, so it almost isn't fair.

Only 98 points behind, in the Number Two Spot is Chicago's Todd Projansky, a known sports minutiae expert. Mr. Projansky's deft selections include Peyton Manning and Larry Fitzgerald. The rest of the roster includes budget buys to fill out a top-flight group.

The Number Three Spot is held by Beaumont, Texas' Nick Soberon. He's in 7th grade. So, the rest of us are getting jobbed by a middle schooler.

While We Await UT vs. OSU...

Thanks to Vicarious Life roving reporter and State Farm Insurance Agent Travis Wilson for the link to the fantastic display of patriotism shown by the great Jim Leyland, (one of the reasons why Los Tigres are a team of destiny; discussed heretofore on August 24th) on September 1, 2006.

It seems that Leyland was quite capable of observing the Stars and Stripes, while concurrently chewing on the posterior of the plate umpire.

Leyland's Patriotism on Display

This week, my son's team will take on his former team, the Cathedral Warriors. There is a great deal of tension attached to this battle on the gridiron because John and Brandtley Wilson (Cathedral's two best players) jumped ship to play for their arch-rival, the Wildcats. The Warriors would take out a full-page ad in the Houston Chronicle if they could win this one on Thursday.

The world lost a great environmentalist in Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin. Many was the time that I found myself siding with the tree-hugging socialists on the topic of environmental consciousness while watching Irwin tell things from the animals' point of view. In most cases, the issue is habitat destruction. Irwin was the greatest ambassador for the cause because he used his big-eyed, child-like enthusiasm to disarm even the cynical.

No doubt, we can all remember times when we were absent-mindedly flipping through channels with the kids and stopped to watch the mesmoririzing Irwin straddling a giant boa constrictor or man-sized crocodile, while explaining their social habits. The Crocodile Hunter worked without a net, a guard, or the safety of a blue screen. He was the real deal, seeking nothing but his family's companionship, the audience's attention, the participation of dog, Sui and another day's dose of adrenaline. We at the Vicarious Life hold him in the highest esteem for doing nothing less than that which he loved the most.

Wake up the Echoes and the Gipper

Oh, sweet mother of everything that is good… College football is here. Whether folks like it or not, the best match-up this weekend is Notre Dame v. Georgia Tech. And, it would be best if ND took a resounding “W” to kick off 2006. You see, the Fighting Irish are good for this country, and right now the country needs them desperately.

When I woke up this morning, I wasn’t in high school anymore. And, Reagan wasn’t the president. ABC Television was promoting a daytime television show with a big, slobbering lesbian (Rosie O’Donnell) as one of the hosts, called The View. The View of WHAT?! Rosie’s view of Elizabeth’s crotch?!

As I turned down my 8-Track of Rush’s Moving Pictures and opened the paper, I started to understand that my world was threatened by something called Islam, a religion that makes killing people with fashion-sense their A-1 priority. What is worse, the country can’t seem to come to a consensus that we need to wipe Iran off the map. Today!

Great Gobs of Goo! Where the hell is The Gipper when you need him? Back then, Left and Right rallied around Reagan! And, we won the Cold War! Notre Dame Football had the best recruiting in the country and was a perennial Top Ten team. America came out for football on Saturdays. And, homosexuals stayed pretty much in the closet. Touchdown Jesus was in South Bend on Saturday. And, we were in his house on Sunday. All men wanted to be Joe Montana. And, women wanted to be with him. (Now, many of them want to be with Rosie O’Donnell.) America was great when ND was great.

Give us The Four Horsemen, Knute Rockne and the turning of the leaves in America’s beautiful Midwest. It’s good for the country when we celebrate the traditions that are good for our country. The Florida schools had their chance to steal the mantle of America’s greatest college program, but they are all about the exploitation of our youth. (Don’t make me develop that argument because I will.)

May God bless America’s great traditions, it’s brave leaders and Notre Dame Football because we need them to patch much of the weakening fabric of our society. You can love to hate the Irish. But, see their importance. Wake up the echoes and blow Iran off the map!! And, were it that Rosie’s only VIEW was of the Gipper’s foot in her ass.

ND by 10.

St. Anne's Football Whips St. Vincent

In their first action of the year, the Wildcats travelled to Houston to put a whipping on the Green and Yellow. The Wildcants had a great team performance.

Dakota Eddins scored three times; once on an interception return for a TD, and twice on long runs from scrimmage. Gramm Klein, Mathew Lighty and Brandtley Wilson gave the look of a three-headed monster, sharing running back duties.

John Titus, #9 was a beast on kickoffs, kickoff return and at strong safety. He also got to play some QB, and had a few nice runs, himself. It was hot day. But, it was worth it to knock the starch out of Craig Biggio's kid and everyone else wearing the Green and Yellow.

Handoff to Willy Lighty -8/23/06

St. Anne Wildcats:28 - St. Vincent:0

Pudge and The Sopranos - Don't Ask Questions

In 2006, the Tigers won’t just make the playoffs. They are a team of destiny. They’ll win it all. Some would say that as long as Joe Torre is around, the Yankees will cobble together a mix of pitching and offense, using long-in-the-tooth veterans and guile. In the past month, their DL has looked more like an All-Star Ballot (Sheffield, Matsui, Mussina, Giambi, Damon, etc.) That team will need a lot of luck to get everyone healthy for a playoff run. The Mets might present a viable obstacle in the NL, with a team ERA of 4.12. But, Pedro Martinez has been on the DL twice in the past two months. And, Tom Glavine and Steve Trachsel last saw their prime when Reagan was President.

With apologies to the Twins and White Sox; both solid squads, here are five reasons why the Tigers will win it all in 2006.

5. Pudge Rodriguez – The guy is the greatest catcher in the history of the great game. What is all this talk about Mike Piazza being a Hall of Famer? Rodriguez is simply the best ever. There are currently thirteen catchers in the HOF. Here are some of Pudge’s numbers compared to the greatest ever.

Pudge is a career .304 hitter. That would place him 4th all-time among HOF catchers, better than Johnny Bench, Gary Carter and Yogi Berra.

Pudge has a .487 career slugging percentage. That would place him 3rd among HOF catchers, better than Bench, Fisk, Berra and Carter.

His OBP is tied with Fisk and better than Carter. Johnny Bench is roundly regarded by the old school as the best ever. But, Pudge’s offensive numbers are better. Also, Pudge has a career .990 fielding percentage compared to Bench’s .987. Mike Piazza can’t compare to Pudge.

4. Jim Leyland – Like Torre and Ozzie Guillen, this ain’t his first rodeo. He’s had 15 years in the big chair, during stints at Pittsburgh, Florida and Colorado. He took over a last place Pirates team in 1996 and helped them become competitive, finishing first in their division from 1990 to 1992. His poker face masks his competitive fire, but lends itself well to his veteran-laden club.

3. The Tony Soprano Factor - I don’t generally question the methods of Vegas oddsmakers, but I do think its generally smart money to rely on their advice. It is kind of like if Tony Soprano told you that you should stop eating all the calamari at Meadow’s private party. You probably wouldn’t question his methods. But, you would certainly follow his advice.

As of August 15th, only the New York Yankees had odds equal to the Tigers of winning this Year’s World Series (7/2). But, that was before their horse, Mike Mussina went on the 15 day DL yesterday.

2. Pitching – Team ERA is the strongest indicator of success. Last year, the two World Series teams were both in the top five Team ERAs. Houston’s: 3.51: Chicago’s 3.61. This year, the number one Team ERA belongs to….(You guessed it.).. The Tigers at 3.65.

1. The Hammerin’ Hank Greenberg Factor – This year (2006) marks the 50th Anniversary of the induction to the Hall of Fame of the greatest Detroit Tiger. Much is said about the courage shown by Jackie Robinson, in breaking the color barrier. But, Greenberg’s courage was similar, being an Orthodox Jew. Also, although excused by the government, Hammerin’ Hank was the first MLB player to enlist after the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor on December 7th, 1941. His baseball numbers were staggering. But, measuring this man by mere numbers would be an injustice.

There you go. Based upon these factors, there is a definite symmetry to a Tiger Championship, if you get Mr. Soprano's meaning.

Rangers Done - Go Team Hoyt!

Words fail me in trying to describe the story of Team Hoyt. Father is a retired Lieutenant Colonel, whose commitment to his son has kept him from being institutionalized for a lifetime. Together, they express their commitment, joy and optimism through their sport. What a story!

Here's a link to the text of the tribute paid to this pair of men by the U.S. House of Representatives, which includes Rick Reilly's Sports Illustrated piece. To see a short video of the twosome, click the second link. Thanks to old friend, Travis Wilson for telling us about this inspirational father and son.

U.S. House Tribute to TeamHoyt

Video of TeamHoyt

Farewell My 2006 Rangers
My Texas Rangers have won 8 of their last 11 games. It's not like they haven't been trying. Looking at the numbers, it's hard to suggest that they have phoned the season in; they are better than the Oakland A's in the following areas (ytd):
Batting Avg: Rangers - .282.....A's - .274
Sluggng Pct: Rangers - .455.....A's - .420
RBI's:...... Rangers - 197......A's - 178

The Ranger's are ahead of the A's in most offensive stats. But, you get the picture.

The Blue and Red from Arlington has also bettered it's Team ERA significantly in the month of August.

Texas' Team ERA Before All-Star Break: 4.65 August Team ERA: 4.42

The effort has been there. So, I am not going to cast about suggestions of incompetence and cowardice where the Rangers are concerned, (like I did with the Astros). But, I have got to say that this weekend is their last shot. They've got the A's at home for a 3 game series. They're six games back in the AL West. So, if they don't sweep, they're out of it.

(Secret Scandalous Tidbit: If the Rangers don't sweep the A's, we're jumping on the Minnesota Twins' bandwagon down the stretch in support of Beaumont's Aggie Legend, Jason Tyner. At present, they .5 games behind the White Sox in the A.L. Wild Card.)

It's not that I haven't been astounded by the development of Gary Matthews, Jr., Ian Kinsler, Mark DeRosa and Gerald Laird this year. But, if they're still six back come Monday, Farewell Y'all. Go Team Hoyt!

Tyner Update, Christmas Ideas, Hooray!

Father of the Month Award

August 17th, 2006 was a special day for Liam O’Connor of Chicago. It was the day that he turned five years old. Liam’s father, Sean did what his father used to do on such occasions. He took his son to see the Chicago White Sox play.

On a beautiful day at U.S. Cellular Field, Mark Buehrle was yeoman-like for six innings, allowing two earned runs to the Kansas City Royals to earn the win. Sean and Liam matriculated into the more expensive seats, right behind the home team’s dugout, which Liam considered a great improvement over their paid seats in the upper deck. Now the twosome was close enough to be heard by their team.

Between innings, the Father called out to his son’s favorite player, Juan Uribe, Number 5. Sean asked the Sox Shortstop if he would give Liam a ball. Uribe speaks little English and smiled but looked confused. John Garland handed Uribe a ball and gestured. Juan understood the request and rolled Liam the ball. The little boy held his birthday present, from the giant man who he believes is the greatest ballplayer ever, with both hands.

For exposing himself to expulsion for moving into the unpaid-for seats; and by exposing himself to complaint and ridicule by a team in a playoff hunt, Sean secured an unforgettable baseball memory for his son. The staff at the Vicarious Life recognizes Mr. Chicago Sean O’Connor as its Vicarious Father of the Month for August.

Vicarious Christmas Gift Ideas
As of Saturday, there’ll be 127 days until Christmas. To beat the rush, I’ve compiled a countdown to the finest music to be found out there for gifting.

5. Oh Say Can You Sing benefits a good number of charities of the different MLB player’s choice. So, take this as the well-meant novelty that it is. The Jewel in this mix of rocks and semi-precious stones is the Mets’ Matt Ginter, playing the banjo on “Dooley”. Also, H.O.F. Shortstop, Ozzie Smith does a surprisingly true rendition of Sam Cooke’s “Cupid”. Jeff Conine (the Barbarian) only proves he’s tone-deaf. But, remember. It’s for charity.

4. Covering All Bases While still a pitcher with the Boston Red Sox, Bronson Arroyo got together in 2005 with a group of experienced studio musicians, as well as friends, Johnny Damon and Kevin Youklis (backup singers and beer-helpers) to make a CD of rock music covers. This is a fun CD. Arroyo looks and sounds like that real cool, not-quite-ready-for-a-record-deal kind of guy, who plays a lot of frat parties and gets the chicks in college. All the songs were hits for other bands. So, there’s nothing new. But, this is a ballplayer that could pinch-hit for Eddie Vedder on a night that he has a sinus infection. Throw him in the mix. He’ll hold up his part of the rotation.

3. Ben Broussard's new CD Traded from Cleveland to Seattle this year, Ben Broussard joins Jason Tyner and Frank Robinson on the developing All-Beaumont Team. That's right, he's from Beaumont, Texas. He flies under the radar, but he's a solid .300 hitter with power. He wrote all the songs on his CD. And, he'll fit in nicely in Seattle, where they drink coffee and overrate anyone that plays a guitar.

2. Baseball's Greatest Hits– This compilation of various great artists from the last fifty years is both great music and a historical subtext for a time when this country could rightfully glorify its baseball heroes. Count Basie, Danny Kay and Les Brown were “A-Listers” long ago, in a time when sluggers like Joe Dimaggio were bigger than the President. Come to think of it, some things haven’t changed.

1. The Journey Within
A man this talented with a guitar should never tolerate G. Steinbrenner. Bernie Williams could tour with Pat Matheny year-round. He is a classically trained guitarist, who wrote three of the songs on his album. He is accompanied by an all-star cast of jazz musicians, including Ruben Blades (who has kept busy during his waking hours by running for President of Panama, winning a Grammy for the Jazz Album, Mundo and being an unfortunate victim of the alien in the movie, Predator).
Williams has compiled an album of fine, relaxing jazz, without trying to show off.

Jason Tyner Update
Yesterday, (8/18/06), Beaumont’s Jason Tyner went 3 for 4 with a run scored. I wrote an article last month about his long climb back into the Bigs. After 126 at-bats, Tyner is still hitting at a furious .325 pace. The Vicarious Life Staff hears the Roy Hobbs theme song in its collective head whenever Tyner is on Sportscenter, making a defensive gem.
Aug. 13, MLB.Com Jason Tyner Article

Astros Finished - Fans Think Texans

Mark the date. Officially, The staff at the Vicarious Life has buried the Astros for the 2006 Season.

Yesterday was the last straw. Andy Pettitte has been improving significantly from his first half performance. Since the All-Star Break, when he posted a 5.28 ERA, Pettitte has allowed only 3.04 earned runs per nine innings. He threw a complete game, allowing one earned run against the Cubs on Wednesday. And, the team couldn't reward him with a "W", for crying out loud.

At a time when the season is on the precipice, and runs are as precious as Central Texas rain, why does this team trot Morgan Ensberg (.234 BA/.477 Slugging) out there every day while Mike Lamb (.312 BA/.498 Slugging) gets only one at-bat per game in a bench role? It's asinine. Ensberg, the man of a thousand batting stances, needs to be on a psychiatrist's couch, not in the batter's box!

We're officially done. Start thinking about football season, and the holidays.

Fantasy Football Handicapping
Fantasy Team Owners: Each team will be given two new trades a week, in addition to the three that each team gets to start. Also, each team owner will be able to view all other teams' rosters, once the season begins.

The Fantasy Football Staff at the Vicarious Life has added several new team owners in the past week. Be particularly wary of The Nematodes, owned by Jacob Sawyer, a scientist at the University of North Carolina. He uses slide rules and computers to forge weekly roster strategies. Very dangerous.

We find it particularly curious that Graham Klein, the President of his 8th Grade Class and a "Straight-A Student" named his unit, Team Punishment. In public, he is a very good and helpful person. But, this name suggests a vicious mean streak.

Handicappers give the Coho and Projo's Dojo teams very little chance for success because their owners are historically homers. They live in Chicago. You do the math.

The owner of The Arlington Oak(Monsignor Tim Phillips) has inside information relating to scouting and injuries, as his dad has been very close friends with Buffalo's Marv Levy for a very long time, dating back to their coaching days at Coe College in Iowa. Watch this roster.

The NFL Regular Season begins September 7, kicking off Monday Night on ESPN, Miami v. Pittsburgh.

Base-Jumping at Yankee Stadium, etc...

#34, LHP John Titus (pitching for the Southeast Texas Sun Devils, at the IBC World Series in St. Petersburg, Florida) had a very noteworthy accomplishment on July 22nd, 2006.

The team’s right-handed power pitcher, Ronnie “El Tiburon” Sanchez got into trouble in the 2nd inning, allowing two runs to tie the score. “Papa John” was called upon to go the final five frames, which he did in historic fashion.

John hurled all five innings, striking out nine Indians and allowing zero runs. The fourth inning provided rare pitching excellence that can not be statistically exceeded. He struck out the side on nine pitches.

Exhaustive research does not show that this record for consecutive strikes has ever been achieved at the professional level. However, on a similar note in 1884 New York pitcher Mickey Welch struck out the first nine Cleveland Blues hitters to face him establishing a major league record for most consecutive strikeouts.

At the youth level, Cooperstown, New York’s Dream Park reports that then-12 year old, Alex Levis of the Montreal Royals (Canada), threw 19 consecutive strikes on 7/11/05.


Unforgettable Sports Memories Dept.
The Houston Chronicle reported on August 10, 2006 that a 19 year old fan that recently jumped from the 2nd deck of Yankee stadium onto the net behind home plate has been banned for the rest of his life from the historic ballpark.

It makes me wonder what ever happened to a certain South Texas Sports Legend, Victor Lombrana. This young man was a 19 year old Senior at La Porte High School in 2002. During halftime of the football game against the hated Deer Park Varsity, Lombrana and a friend disrobed and ran across midfield to the simultaneous astonishment, excitement and horror of the huge crowd. He was sent to an alternative school to finish out the school year. Lombrana had been an honors student.

Guy at a Burger King Drive Through: “Hey Vic, remember that time you stripped naked and ran across the football field and all the cheerleaders screamed, and all hell broke loose?”

Vic: “Yeah, man. I don’t know what came over me. Would you like fries and an apple pie with your order?”

The Ultimate Fantasy Football League of All Time and Space Dept.
The following intrepid sports-fans have joined the league:

Travis Wilson - Terrell, Texas... Sugar Rush
Patrick Titus - Beaumont, Texas... Aggie12thMan
John Titus - Beaumont, Texas... Security Envelopes
Sean O'Connor - Chicago, Il... Coho Salmon, Insane Coho Lips 2
Todd Projansky - Chicago, Il... Projo's Dojo
Todd Keeler - Chicago, Il... Uptown Uglies
Tim Phillips - Arlington, TX... Arlington Oak
Paul Mefford - Lake Jackson, TX... WannaBeAggie

The deadline for joining is 9/7/06. If you or a friend would like to join this free online league, hosted by SportingNews.Com, please send me an email at teamtitus@netzero.net.

America's Team Dept.
My good friend, Travis Wilson referred me to Dallas Cowboy Great Rayfield Wright’s Hall of Fame Acceptance Speech. After reading it, I was struck by his simple courage.

Society is at war today. There is a war against God today. It is evidenced in the music and images that cheapen our little girls as well as glorify sex and drugs. It is evidenced by our liberal media who can not tolerate Christians because they regard them as intolerant. And, it is evident in the wars that we witness and society’s unwillingness to see them from a Biblical perspective.

I was struck by the clarity and honesty of Wright’s speech, which so starkly constrasted America's general non-commital cowardice; his unwavering faith in God and commitment to family, as well as his humility. Our country used to be able to produce people weak of means and opportunity, but strong in faith and family. In light of the war that society fights today, one has to wonder if society won't snuff out the light of the brilliant and bright Rayfield Wrights of this generation.

One last thought: In light of these trying times, imagine the earnest source of truth Reggie White (the posthumous HOF inductee who traveled to Israel in 1998 to study Christianity and it's kinship with the Jews) might have provided to the children of our time, had he lived to give his Christian testimony at his HOF Induction.
Rayfield Wright's Acceptance to HOF

Joe Torre, The Zen and The Gay Produce Guy

When managers, associates and coaches are in a position of authority over others, they are responsible for those people. Too often, managers, coaches and regular folks position others as close to the figurative exit as possible, so they can throw them under the bus when things get embarrassing or results are disappointing. It takes a real man to expose himself to ridicule to help others be their best. Joe Torre never ridicules his players in public. And, he shelters them from the heat when Steinbrenner gets angry about a losing streak or a hitting slump. Torre is an example of someone who instills confidence in others so they can be their best. In turn, his players and coaches are as loyal as the Marine Corps.

Mitch, The Gay Produce Guy (TGPG) works at the grocery store where my family gets all our groceries. Short and balding, he (TGPG) speaks with a lisp and waves his hands for bravado when he makes a point. His shoes suggest that he is poor. I used to wish that he hadn’t chosen me to talk to every time I get salad, bananas, whatever. But, now I’m just resigned to the fact that I’m going to have to talk about how great Jaclyn Smith looks at 60, or give my advice on how to keep Mitch’s (TGPG) cholesterol in check.

He (TGPG) started talking to me because I bring my kids with me everywhere I go. And, they help me shop. John drives the cart. Maddie keeps the grocery list. I maintain radio contact with my wife via cell phone in order to get approval for extravagant purchases, like Feta Cheese. So, we’ve got a system that works. Mitch’s shrill voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard the first time he ever spoke to me. He remarked that my kids are so well-behaved. He said I looked like a strict disciplinarian. My Gay-Dar was redlining.

Thursday, (since Mitch and I chat all the time now) we had a lengthy conversation about some of Mitch’s favorite people. Then, Mitch wanted my advice on how he might keep trim without straining too much. We segued into some diet advice. And, after about 10 minutes, the conversation mercifully ended.

After we walked away, my 9 year old daughter asked why I had spoken for so long to that strange man. I told her that all Mitch needs is validation. He needs to hear someone that he respects speak to him as if he and his ideas have merit. I explained to Maddie that some folks live their entire lives seeking the validation they’ve never gotten. And, sometimes showing these folks a little kindness helps them be their best.

I wasn’t always so nice. I’ve been reading The Zen of Zim. In it, Don Zimmer talks about his experiences as a baseball man. During the 1996 World Series against the Atlanta Braves, Torre used up almost every bench player by the tenth inning in taking the lead in Game 4. As the Yankees were to take the field, they had no first basemen left on the bench. Third baseman Charlie Hayes volunteered.

Hayes claimed he’d played first a couple of times in the past and, being as we didn’t have anyone else anyway, Joe said: “Go to it.” Then, he turned to me (Zimmer) and laughed: “We do things by the seat of our pants around here, don’t we?”

You can see why guys loved playing for him. Players all have insecurities, even the best of them, and they look to the manager for confidence.

Of course, the Yankees won the series against the Atlanta Braves 4-2. The point is that a good manager or coach can support a person and make him/her feel like an ace in the hole. Or, they can exude panic, and crush confidence in a time where the need for that is greatest. Joe Torre, a man who has survived cancer and an abused, dysfunctional childhood (and worse; now works for G. Steinbrenner) is an example of a man who accepts such contingencies as the opportunities that they are. We can apply a little of his approach at work, in everyday life and at the ballgame.

Rangers Get Kip Wells and Matt Stairs

The Texas Rangers reportedly gave only two AAA RHP's for Kip Wells and Matt Stairs. It's funny they got Stairs after the Royals just took the last two out of three from the Rangers. (I don't know what they saw in him, other than the fact that he's a left-handed batter.) Stairs is very limited defensively, and is hitting only .261 with 8 taters in 226 at-bats. I can't get too excited about Stairs.

GM Jon Daniels: "You know, I'm racking my brains to figure out what missing piece we need.

Tom Hicks: "I've got it! Let's get a big, slow, marginal hitter!"

Daniels: "Brilliant!"

The big prize is Wells. He's had an ERA over 6 this season, mostly because he's been trying to recover from a bloodclot in his armpit. But, he's 1-1 with a 1.83 ERA in his last three starts. So, there's reason to believe he's peaking just in time for the ballclub from Arlington to start the stretch drive. The Rangers gave very little up. On the down side, Wells' $4.15 Million contract expires at the end of the season. (Since he's playing for his next contract however, he ought to be highly motivated.)

Wells' arrival will ostensibly lead to the banishment of John Rheineker from the starting rotation, leaving Millwood, Padilla, John Koronka, Adam Eaton and Wells. This is very, very provocative. I can't remember the Rangers being so agressive at the deadline.

Different Tangent - There were numerous sources that mentioned Roy Oswalt as a chip in tradetalks between Astros/Orioles. That was an outrage. If I had to name two players for the Astros who should be untouchable, give me Oswalt and Berkman.

Rangers Pitching Impotence During Hicks Era

Same Old Same Old in Arlington

Groundhog Day! Rise and shine Campers!

ESPN is reporting that the Rangers are sending Kevin Mench, Laynce Nix, Francisco Cordero and a minor league arm to the Milwaukee Brewers for Carlos Lee (HR 28, RBI 81, R 60, OBP .347, AVG .286), a couple more position players and some gum. So, the Rangers essentially traded one big, average-fielding OF with power for another. The Rangers get to be rid of disappointing Nix. But, to do so, they part with a reliever who can still have flashes of overpowering nastiness (SO/BB: 54/16) in Cordero.

Texas has always been a bastion of great power hitters. Since the early 90's, Will Clark, Mickey Tettleton, Pudge Rodriguez, Juan Gonzalez, Ruben Sierra, Julio Franco, Mark Texiera, Hank Blalock, Michael Young come to mind. Fat lot of good it's done them.

This trade looks bad on its face because Texas has never been able to afford parting with solid pitching. Since Tom Hicks bought the team in 1998, the Rangers have been in last place in Team ERA every year, except for 1999 (They were 2nd to last.) Also, Lee's in the last year of his contract. The Rangers will a.) lose him or b.) overpay to keep him, when they should be spending their money on pitching.

The Rangers' futility can not be layed at the feet of it's coaches or management. Since Hicks took over, Johnny Oates, Jerry Narron and Buck Showalter have all been at the helm; all with similar poor results. The failure at Ameriquest can't be layed at the feet of the GM because there have been several: none of whom could bring about solid pitching (Doug Melvin, John Hart and John Daniels. The only people still in their same positions since Hicks bought the team are Hitting Coach, Rudy Jaramillo and Hicks himself. And, with Texas always at the top in offensive categories, its clear that Rudy gets a pass.

If I was a writer of even the slightest import, I might get a call from him reminding me that Arlington is a steambath every summer. So, the pitching staff wilts like a daisy every August and September. He'll say it can't be helped. And, I'll admit that the only thing that can grow and flourish during a nightgame at Ameriquest is my burgeoning prostate. But, that doesn't mean you can just throw up your hands and trade away good pitching.

Hicks might say that an owner should be judged by his willingness to spend enough to produce a winner. And, he would be right. But, the results have been the same whether he has had the highest (2003, 1998) team salary in the AL West or the lowest(2004): failure because of poor pitching.

It's always the same. Groundhog day.

Twins' Tyner Gives Lesson In Humility

Jason Tyner worked with my son a little bit in 2005 at the Southeast Texas Baseball Academy. My son wasn't hitting. His poor hitting numbers had bounced him all the way to the back of the lineup. Baseball is a game of numbers. I am certain that his problems were mostly psychological. Tyner said that sometimes things have to get to their lowest before a batter will release all his poor habits and techniques. One is not encumbered by his pride once he hits rock-bottom.

The past few years have tested the former Aggie's philosophy as well as his character. He was the 21st pick in the First Round of the 1998 Draft, by the Mets. The former All Big 12 Selection from Beaumont West Brook High School played from 2000-2003, providing the Tampa Bay Devil Rays with quickness in the leadoff spot and base-stealing ability. As an outfielder with great range, his career .980 fielding percentage is quite sturdy. One can only assume that the absense of power numbers was the reason for his demotion after 2003. During his three years with the Rays, Tyner never hit a home run, striking only 29 extra base hits in 778 at-bats.

Tyner is a married man, with a small child. It would have been easy to gather his winnings from a three year stint in the bigs and retire happily to life after baseball. Most athetes' pride would certainly not allow them to start again at the bottom. In 2004, Tyner signed a minor league contract with the Rangers. He languished there, performing well at the AAA level. But, my beloved Rangers missed on him, never intending to give him a real shot. (Come to think of it; a lot of Rangers outfielders go on to greatness with somebody else. See Travis Hafner, Adrian Gonzalez, Craig Monroe, etc.)

Undaunted, Jason signed the next year with the Twins, hoping to earn another shot for a call up. At the time, to say it was crowded in the Minnesota outfield is putting it mildly, as Rondell White, Torii Hunter, Michael Cuddyer, Shannon Stewart, Jason Kubel and others all sought playing time.

Aside from a brief call-up last year, it's been roughly three years since Major League Baseball has recognized the talents of our own Jason Renyt Tyner. A miraculous confluence of injuries gave Tyner the chance he's been toiling for in Rochester, NY the past two years. Stewart, Hunter, Ruben Sierra and Rondell White have all been off and on the DL in the past month.

Jason played his first game July 14th, going 2 for 4 with an RBI. He's played the last 11 games, and is hitting a voracious .372 with a very tidy .400 OBP. His speed has provided dazzling defensive gems against the likes of Cleveland's Casey Blake and Chicago's Joe Crede over the past two weeks. And, since he planted his feet in Minnesota's outfield, the Twins have been baseball's hottest team at 10-1.

But, baseball is a game of numbers. The absense of those almighty power hitting statistics may again spell the end of another few sublime frames of the game that he loves. And, if that be the case, he'll give us just one more lesson. He'll show what a man can do when he gets sent down, but is not encumbered by pride. Armed with his own unique combination of confidence and humility, he'll quietly start going about the business of yet another call up.

Old-School Stengel helps explain Sox Situation

My Dear Sean (My Southsider friend, Sean O'Connor),

I want to send you some more analysis, relating to your beloved White Sox. You've been obsessing about the state of things in Ozzie Guillen's clubhouse. (For the record, Guillen is a great manager. He plays old-school, like Casey Stengel did with the Yankees. And, Jay Mariotti may not be a flaming f%#*ot, but I'd rather eat the soap than shower with him.)

I know that you are starting to sweat it, finding yourself 2.5 games back at the end of June. The good news is this: Assuming your team exposes the Cubs for the posers that they are (with the exception of Zambrano) today, you will only have one fewer loss on 7/01/06 than your team did on 7/1/05.

2005 record on July 1 - 53-25 Win %: 67.9
2006 record on July 1 - 52-27 Win %: 65.8

To be truthful, I wouldn't call July a cake-walk where the schedule is concerned. But, your next six games are against Cubs and Orioles. Worst case: 5-1. Then, if you can take two out of three from BoSox prior to the All-Star Break, your Southsiders will have raised the win-percentage to 67%. I think the Tigers have a more difficult time ahead, having to travel to the West Coast for series against the surging A's and Mariners. So, patience is called for here. You may be looking at a dead-heat beginning the second half of the season.

Having set you up with my optimistic tack, I have got to (in the name of truth, justice and Bob Hope, the bravest American never to carry a gun) tell you the basis of your unnatural sense of impending doom regarding the 2006 campaign.

Last Year's White Sox Team ERA - AL #1 3.61 ERA
This Year's White Sox Team ERA - AL #5 4.30 ERA

At this point, the Detroit Tigers are #1 at 3.45 Tm ERA. As Casey Stengel said, "Good pitching will always stop good hitting and vice-versa." Yep. It's all about the pitching. Stengel also said about good pitchers, "Nobody ever had too many of them." But, he never saw the 2006 Tigers.

Clemens Can Jump Sinking Ship and Be Hero

Watch out for this scenario. I developed it while talking to my son this morning.

1. Astros sign and get Clemens. (This part has already taken place, so it took less thought. Clemens' ERA is under 2.5.) So, the Houstonians are winners.

2. Clemens pitches great, but the team is 7 games back by the trade deadline. But, at least Clemens did his best for the hometown.

3. The delay in getting with the real team that he'll go to war with in October allows he and the Astros to identify Astros team-needs. And, it allows Clemens to identify the team with the best record and the best chance to win it all.

4. Clemens issues public statement: I love Texas. But, I'll do what's best for the team.

5. Clemens gets traded to Boston. Boston's a winner. Clemens is a winner. Houston's fans believe he was only doing what's best for the team. And, he gets a real shot at another ring. And, Drayton Mclane picks up an OF or a 3B to replace disappointing Jason Lane or Morgan Ensberg.

Everyone's a winner here. If he has a no-trade clause, he'll have to waive it. And, for conspiracy theorists: KNOWING HOW WEAK HOUSTON IS OFFENSIVELY, WAS THIS IN THE BACK OF HIS MIND ALL ALONG?

Since Peter Gammons is in ICU, I'm doing his job. Back to you, Sean.

Summer Skulking

I don't know if "skulking" is a word. But, if it isn't, I am going to assign it the following meaning: hanging around and waiting until the moment is right. The VC in Full Metal Jacket did some skulking while GI Joe was smoking up his Marlboro's and Sneaky Weed. "Charlie" was in the bush, eating bugs, wiping his butt with leaves and getting stronger.

Junior's team stole a tournament in Louisiana, this past weekend: The Gulf Coast Classic V in Lake Charles. A quick rundown of Junior's numbers over the course of four games: 1 single, 1 double, 2 triples, 1 RBI Sac Fly and a walk. In the Semi-Final Game, Junior pitched five innings, with only one unearned run to mar an otherwise surgical performance. In that game, he stole home to give us an insurance run. He contributed an RBI single in a Championship Game that we took by one run over the 14 year old Louisiana Lynx.

I was proud of his work, (along with a few other skulkers on his team). And, here's why: we play tournament baseball 5 months a year. Being a pitcher, he has to take care to throw bullpens and run every week, in addition to weight-training and practicing with his team. Staying interested in the game is hard for an adult. I can imagine that the pressure to perform is tough on a thirteen year old.


So, here's where Junior skulks like no other. As the physical and emotional wear of the season reveals itself in the declining play of some players, Junior stepped in this weekend and seized the moment to be a marquis guy when his team needed him. His preparation is allowing him to come up big. There will always be players who fall off the pace because the sacrifice is too great for them. Staying strong and waiting pays off. I know he has bought into the concept. Skulking.

American Icarus

Daedalus built the wings from feathers and wax, and before the two set off he warned Icarus not to fly too low lest his wings touch the waves and get wet, and not too high lest the sun melt the wax. But the young Icarus, overwhelmed by the thrill of flying, did not heed his father's warning, and flew too close to the sun whereupon the wax in his wings melted and he fell into the sea. Daedalus escaped to Sicily and Icarus' body was carried ashore by the current to an island then without a name. – THE MYTH OF ICARUS

Anybody with an appreciation for the game loves to read about those few guys who have what it takes to be a winner at any level. Throughout my life, I watched the story of Steve Howe unfold.

"He loved to play baseball and was always fun to be around," said Paul Tungate, his high school coach. "He was a joy to coach. Very likable, cocky and confident. He knew what he could do, and we knew what he could do. He just went out and did it."

The left-hander played two seasons at Michigan and helped lead the Wolverines to the College World Series. The Los Angeles Dodgers selected him in the first round of the 1979 amateur draft, shortly after he was an All-America selection.

Howe was the 1980 NL Rookie of the Year with Los Angeles, closed out the Dodgers’ 1981 World Series championship and was an All-Star the next year.

He flew to incredible heights. Yet, in rarified air, there are precious few warning signs. And, like Icarus he flew too close to the light. What follows is a staggering chronology of his fall. Equally staggering are the number of times he was invited back into the hot spotlight by the well-meaning, the foolhardy and the callous, indifferent suits whose performance is not based on what is right, but statistics.

1982 - Enters drug rehabilitation after the season.

June 29, 1983 — Fined one month's salary ($53,867) and placed on probation by the Dodgers after admitting a drug problem.

July 15,1983 — Reported late for game and suspended two days by the Dodgers.

September 23, 1983 — Missed team flight to Atlanta and suspended indefinitely by the Dodgers for what the team says is cocaine dependency. Goes into substance abuse rehabilitation.

December 15, 1983 — Suspended for one year by Commissioner Bowie Kuhn for cocaine use.

May 1984 — In a grievance settlement, agreed not to play in 1984.

June 23, 1985 — Fined $300 by Los Angeles for arriving three hours late for a game.

July 1, 1985 — Placed on the restricted list by the National League for three days at the Dodgers' request after missing a game against Atlanta. Released by the Dodgers two days later.

August 12, 1985 — Signed by the Minnesota Twins, but released a month later after missing three games with what the team said was a "temporary recurrence" of cocaine problem.

March 20, 1986 — Signed by San Jose of the California League.

May 15, 1986 — Suspended by the National Association of Professional Baseball Leagues after allegedly testing positive for cocaine. The following month he was suspended again through December 31 for the same reason; San Jose released him the day his suspension was over.

July 11,1987 — Signed by Oklahoma City of the Class AAA American Association; the Texas Rangers purchased his contract the following month.

November 1987 — Agreed to two-year, $1.2 million contract with Texas.

January 19, 1988 — Released by Texas after violating aftercare program by using alcohol.

April 4, 1990 — Signs contract with Salinas of the California League.

February 1991 — Signs contract with Columbus of the International League.

May 9, 1991 — Contract purchased by the New York Yankees.

November 5, 1991 — Signs one-year contract with the New York Yankees.

December 19, 1991 — Arrested on cocaine charges in Kalispell, Montana.

June 8, 1992 — Suspended indefinitely after pleading guilty in U.S District Court in Missoula, Montana, to a misdemeanor charge of attempting to buy a gram of cocaine.

June 24, 1992 — Suspended permanently by Commissioner Fay Vincent.

August 18, 1992 — Fined the minimum $1,000 and ordered him to perform 100 hours of community service by a federal judge in Montana and placed on probation.

November 11, 1992 — Reinstated by a baseball arbitrator.

June 22, 1996 — Released by Yankees.

June 24, 1996 — Arrested and charged with criminal possession of a weapon at John F. Kennedy International Airport in New York when a police officer spots a loaded .357 Magnum pistol in his carry-on baggage.

April 1997 — Signs with the Sioux Falls Canaries of the independent Northern League in comeback attempt at age 39 but quits midseason because of an arm injury.

August 19, 1997 — Critically injured in a motorcycle crash and later charged with drunken driving. Charges later dropped after prosecutors decided his blood test was improperly obtained.

April 1, 1999 — Suspended as a volunteer coach for his daughter's softball team in Whitefish, Montana girls' softball team.

April 28, 2006 — Dies in a one-vehicle car accident in Coachella, California, when his pickup truck rolls over in the early morning. Howe was 48.

A decade ago, it was clear that he was no longer the shining star that the world saw in 1980. And sports fans quickly discarded any thought of him. Society was indifferent as his demons took control of him. And, his employers uttered only a demand of accountability. Like Icarus, only the forces of gravity were present to dictate the fall. Only the few left who loved the person were close by as his story concluded.

How deafening was the silence after Howe had played his last meaningful game. How guilty was the game for allowing him to take part, instead of demanding that he clean up. What more compelling cry for involved parenting is there than the story of Steve Howe? It was Icarus’ father who gave him the ability to fly. What would his father have given for a few more minutes to discuss the danger of flying too close to the bright lights, the hazards and temptations? Once he was airborne, Howe was headed for the sun. And, his story will serve only as an object lesson for those few who care to hear it.

(Chronology of Arrests, etc. from Wikepedia.Com)

Yesterday, Bono was the guest editor of England's Independent.
(A link to his piece is attached below.)

I have watched these brave
and beautiful souls who are fighting a forest fire of a pandemic with watering cans, knowing they will not see the light of a day when their work will be honoured. I have been a witness to their conversations around canteen tables, deciding who will live or die, because they do not have
enough pills to go round.

Bono - 5/16/06

What can he be talking about? To grasp the situation,
recall the facts I discussed in my February entry:

• Swaziland is among the world's countries with the
greatest prevalence of HIV and the greatest need for treatment, training and education.

• In 2002, 39% of pregnant mothers were HIV positive. The survey from 2005 listed this rate at 56%.

• In southern Africa, 50% of all deaths of children under the age of five
are caused by HIV/Aids.

• By 2010, 10% to 15% of the population of Swaziland will be orphans.

The title of Bono's piece asks "What can I do?" And, I'll preface my thoughts by saying that life in Swaziland is barren and tragic. And, it seems that nothing that we do will reverse the situation
immediately. But, that is no excuse to do nothing. A few kind family and friends responded to my February entry by sending small donations to Lisa Mooneyham in Swaziland. And, our donations helped to buy the water tank pictured here.This tank will allow children of this village to have access to clean drinking water, without having to leave their village.

As some of you know, J. Scott Mooneyham and his wife are in the employ of the State Department. However, they also joyfully act as the boots on the ground that will act as our emissaries on a very local level.

Please make a donation of $10.00 to $20.00 or more to:

Lisa Mooneyham
2350 Mbabane Place
Dulles,VA 20189

Note: Aids Children/Titus Tribe

This is a State Department Address.
So, please only send checks (and/or clothes). Mail is filtered.
The children in the picture attached are recipients
of hand-made American teddy bears from the people at the Mother Bear
Project.

Here is a very common Swazi child: Bongani's Story

Background on John Scott and Lisa Mooneyham

The Mother Bear Project

The Independent - Guest Editor: Bono, May 16, 2006

Lisa is very fond of the children of Swaziland. And, she is very appreciative of the Mother Bear Project because they provide the only toys that many of these children will ever own.

Please make a donation to Lisa. I leave it up to her discretion as to how best to use our funds. However, she will send each giver a card and pictures of her activities. (February donors have these forthcoming.) And, please identify yourself as a member of the "Titus Tribe" because J. Scott and I have a bit of a competition as to whose tribe will raise more money.

Lisa
Mooneyham (left) is pictured here with Jody from the Mother Bear
Project.

Covering All Bases

Doug Flutie has officially retired, at the age of 43. He was a classy guy. He could have his name on the marquee. Or, he could back-up the starter. He was a team-guy. He did anything the coach asked, including being the first NFLer since WWII to drop-kick the football for a point after touchdown. I bet you didn't know that he and his brother Darren, another Boston College great, have a band called The Flutie Brothers. Also, Darren had a great career in the Canadian Football League. Both Darren and Doug may join Steve Nash as First Ballot Entries into the 6'0" And Under White-Guy HOF. (Throw in John Stockton and 5'10", Whitey Ford.)

ESPN has named its 10 greatest point guards of all time. And, I am in agreement with most of them. But, you can't base a player's importance solely on his numbers, as ESPN does to justify their picks. When I was in college in Boston, Larry Bird played with a point guard, who he referred to simply as the greatest player he'd ever played with: Dennis Johnson. He won championships in Seattle and Boston. He was All-NBA Defensive Team in nine different campaigns, NBA Finals MVP in 1979, and a 5-Time All-Star. DJ was a guy who (like Doug Flutie) was a team-guy, so his numbers weren't flashy. But, the results were pretty fine.

My son Junior's team played a very competitive baseball tournament this past weekend. Junior crushed the ball. He walked once, had a single, triple and double, struck out once and ground-out twice. As a team, the results weren't great as we won one and lost two. But, he made the greatest catch of his life on Saturday, diving for a fly ball on the left field foul line to save a run. This catch was so good, it would have lead-off ESPN all weekend (even if Barry Bonds would have hit his Ruth-tying HR).

Paul's Specter

There's a dark shadow, cast over this weekend. My wife scheduled a "Marriage Retreat" for us. Her sister and my brother-in-law, Paul will accompany us. My wife heard about it from some of our church members, who said it is really enjoyable.

I would bet my subscription to MLB.TV that no man ever scheduled one of these events. It's always wives. First, men have a deep-seeded paranoia that these events are designed by women to get all the men trapped in a big room, then draw everyone's attention to their weight and relational shortcomings. Further, men see these Marriage-Workshop events as conflicting with more preferable televised sporting events and twilight hours at the golf course. (more evidence that these events are designed by women). Is it any wonder why marriages need workshops, with women sabotaging all their husbands' precious free-time?

Of course, I'm going to miss one of Junior's baseball tournaments. And, this is at a time when he and the team are playing real well. They won their last tournament in Lake Charles, Louisiana. He's been a little light with the bat, but is pitching very well.

My brother in law, Paul (the finest brother-in-law you could know) is a true glass-half-full guy. He's looking forward to our opportunity to be together. He's a great man, but he may be a little naive. Doesn't he detect a conspiracy?

Paul and I ran the Cowtown Half-Marathon, in Ft. Worth together a couple months ago. That was a big achievement because Paul recently completed chemotherapy. We ran together, encouraging each other the whole way. We also recently took a trip with the wives and kids to South Texas to visit our wives' family. And, that's when I first saw the shadow.

All the girls got in one car, so they could blaspheme husbands, boys and males of every species. All the guys got in another so they could talk freely about the true meaning of life: baseball. It was just John, Paul, Me,.... and the shadow.

Paul is generally a very happy person. He is complimentary of people, and highly socially adept. He's handsome, athletic and has good fashion sense. He gives others the sense that they're ten pounds lighter, and ten years younger. He doesn't release the phantom around any but a trusted few.

During the long, hot stretches of Texas Highway, we three men discussed Junior's baseball exploits. Paul encouraged Junior to tell, to relive hits, K's and errors. I filled in, where I felt my input was helpful. Paul then offered his advise and experience. It seems that Pauly was a bit of a baseball player himself.

After John's recent experiences had all been parlayed, Paul talked about his own. As it happens, he was an All-State 2nd Baseman, during his highschool days in Colorado. His parents encouraged him during those years, enjoying those days with their son. During the playoffs, his Senior year, he once had 11 straight hits. During summer tournament ball, he once had a stretch where he got 22 hits in 23 at-bats. He recalled the names of players he hadn't seen in over fifteen years. Looking out into the nothingness of South Texas, he relived throws, the feel of the air, the smell of the grass, the exuberance of youth, prolonged by every new day on the diamond. As he told the stories to John and I, his eyes grew vacant. And the specter stretched his pin-striped legs, in the front seat, his ghostly features becoming more real.

At the end of his Senior year in highschool, Paul had two items sitting on his desk: an offer to play at Nebraska, and another at Iowa State University. But, he and his parents decided that he was too book-smart to risk his future on the crapshoot of sports. He told us about the despair he felt after his last game in highschool, knowing that he had chosen the discipline of Chemical Engineering over baseball. Junior asked if he would change anything if he could make the decision again. He told John that once a man makes a decision, he can't look back. And, the smokey apparition stared at Paul with his peircing eyes, nodding with an omniscient, wicked smile before fading out of sight.

Today, Paul wouldn't trade his life. He's beaten Cancer. He's got a beautiful wife and daughter. His career as an Engineer is going very well. He makes family events a lot more enjoyable for me. My wife loves him too. And so,... we're all set to go to the big Marriage Retreat this weekend, just the five of us: our two lovely brides, Pauly, Me and the Shadow.

Keith Hernandez, Friend to Women

This past week, former Met Keith Hernandez protested the appearance of a female massage therapist in the San Diego Padres' dugout. She was ostensibly there to attend to the aches and pains of players during the game. He was probably just joking, in suggesting that women don't belong in the dugout. And, I'll contend three things: A.) He was right. Women don't belong in the dugout. B.) Keith's timing wasn't very good. C.) You've got to be a bigger star than K. Hernandez to get away with such a verbal misstep.

Of course, I've got a daughter. And, I don't believe I'm setting her or her gender back to the days of suffragettes and abolition by suggesting that I don't want her anywhere near those mouth-breathing, tobacco-spitting race horses in the heat of competition. The offense she takes at being barred from entry is nothing compared to the offense of hair-curling remarks she'll hear if entry is allowed. And, why ask players to have to dodge around the litigation minefield presented by mixing genders? The accidental brush or other physical contact or misconstrued statement by a ballplayer could expose him to poor publicity and/or litigation. If the game is played purely, a ballplayer has only to focus on balls, strikes, effort, wins, pennants and championships. My daughter focuses on the same thing, playing softball. I don't think she wants any guys tidying up the dugout, while she's getting her game on.

I'll contend that we're on the backside of the era of political correctitude. I think all people, be they men or women, gay, straight or otherwise are getting tired of having to mind their casual banter for fear of being ticketed by the PC Police. This period of social McCarthyism is thankfully nearing its end. If it leaves us with a little common sensitivity to others, that will be ok. None of this excuses Hernandez' poor judgement. He may not be wrong. But, he's a knucklehead for making himself a lightning rod for criticism.

Who does Keith think he is? Babe Ruth? Now, the Bambino got away with murder:

"I'll promise to go easier on drinking and to get to bed earlier, but not for you, fifty thousand dollars, or two-hundred and fifty thousand dollars will I give up women. They're too much fun."

Wow! If Keith Hernandez had said that , the National Organization of Women would be all lathered up and marching on the capitol.

The former Met slugger's good timing with a baseball doesn't mean he isn't a clumsy commentator. Now, if Charles Barkley had said anything similar, it wouldn't have raised an eyebrow. For example, at halftime of this year's All-Star game, in response to seeing Beyonce in the crowd, Barkley said, "All I wanna know is when ya see someone that pretty, how can you go to Brokeback Mountain?" If anyone else makes that statement, the city of San Francisco would declare war on the rest of the country. Certainly, Keith H. doesn't reach that level of star-power. Keith shouldn't say things that might be construed as discriminatory toward women. But, that doesn't mean I would ever want my precious little girl anywhere near a major league dugout.

Open Letter to Aggie Baseball Coach

Dear Coach Childress,
Being an Aggie, I like to give a helping hand to my fellow maroon-bloods whenever possible. And, it seems the honorable men of Olsen Field are poised for only their second losing record since the Eisenhower Administration. So, I thought you might benefit from some hard and fast rules to success in order to turn this thing around. I don’t know if you’re a big “character” guy, like your predecessor, Mark Johnson. Since you spent the eight years prior to now as pitching coach at Nebraska, maybe pitching will be the key to your team’s turnaround. Maybe not. Maybe you’ll emphasize hot bats.

A quick note about that “character” thing: last year, I talked to Jason Tyner about his days in College Station. He remembered Coach Johnson as a bit of a disciplinarian, who was also exceedingly truthful and loyal to his players. His personal comportment was exemplary. In fact, Jason said that he could remember one time that Johnson used an expletive for emphasis. (It starts with “S” and rhymes with quit.) That was a sign to Tyner that his coach was as angry as he could be at his players. The cuss words were almost as rare as the number of Johnson’s losing seasons (That would be: 1.)

Due to your experience, you might consider pitching to be the key to your introduction to that celestial place called the Top 25. But, be careful there. Last year, Johnson’s 3.66 team ERA, albeit the lowest in four years, got him 9th Place in the BIG 12 AND a ticket out of town. Surprisingly, the Aggies’ current 3.29 team ERA is second in the conference to Nebraska. WHOOP!-dee-doo. They are also enduring an unprecedented seven game losing streak, after Tuesday night’s loss to the kind lads from Houston.

So, is it all about batting? Maybe. But, not necessarily. Last year, Baylor finished LAST in the conference in team batting average (.269 (40 points below league leader, Kansas State.)) Recall also that those Waco Bears finished #4 in the Baseball America Poll. And, the two teams that currently lead the Big 12 in team batting avg. (Texas Tech .329 and KSU .326) are in the lower half of the conference standings.

So Coach, it isn’t all about hitting. Nor is it all about pitching. There’s really nothing hard and fast that you can always depend on to go your way. I wish I could offer you more…… Well, maybe I can.

I took my eleven year old son to College Station in May of 2003. My boy was electrified at the prospect of experiencing everything about Aggie Baseball at Coach Johnson’s scheduled camp. The timing was difficult because the Ags were scheduled to play Houston in the championship of the NCAA Regional at Olsen. They had only to beat the Houston Cougars once, in order to advance. And, as you probably know, the fine gents from Aggieland fought hard and long into the night. I believe the last out was after 11:00PM. The whole town was deflated at the sudden and shocking end of the season. My boy understood the heartbreak. And, he didn’t expect the players to be at the field to meet him the next day at 7:30A.M., given the circumstances. Well, to my everlasting surprise, every last player who was not a graduating senior was there even after the crushing defeat. Every coach was there to process the kids. And, front and center was Mark Johnson.

Coach, I trust your baseball I.Q. I know Mr. Byrne does his due diligence. But, given the circumstances, I would say that the bloom is off the rose. And, I could criticize. But, I have every confidence that you’ll return Aggie Baseball to greatness. You’ll do it with consistent pitching, defense and timely hitting. But, please Coach; remember the “character” thing. You don’t have to be just like your predecessor. But, take a page out of his book. Be the kind of man who keeps his word. Be the kind of coach who doesn’t throw his players under the bus. Earn no words other than reverent remembrances from your former players. Be a man who remembers that our kids look to you as an example. If you’ll do that, I’m sure you’ll have twenty great years, just like Coach Johnson.

Good luck and Gig’em, Patrick J. Titus ‘88