Spicoli Kills Tigers

We few viewers who watched the World Series probably feel differently about Jeff Weaver, aka "Jeff Spicoli", since the playoffs. Note: He's going to be a free-agent. So, his motiviation was high.

During the season, he was terrible for the Angels, who traded him for cash considerations from the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim for outfielder Terry Evans. Spicoli's regular season numbers are remarkable, only for their flacidity. Left-handers hit .340 against him. His HOME ERA for the regular season was 7.70. That's bad on a historic scale.

In the playoffs, he reversed everything, posting a 2.43 ERA and a win in the World Series when the lights were brightest. A phenonemal performance for Weaver. Somebody great once said: "Give me 9 players in their contract year, and I'll win a pennant."

News from the White House This isn't really news from THE White House. I'm referring to Valley Ranch, DFW. The Great Timinator Phillips, Fort Worth Fireman and Sports-Analyst gives his thoughts on the latest conniptions inside Texas Stadium:

Question: Who is to blame for all those sacks last Monday Night?

Timinator: I hate laying the blame on anyone in particular, but if you were to back me into a corner and ask who is to blame for the O Line this year I would have to say it's the positional coach.

Question:Can any team that has the volatilite mix of Jones/TO ever get to the playoffs?

Timinator: As far as the TO/Jerry Jones question I don't know where to begin. There is no doubt TO is an ass beating for Parcells. I'm sure he gets tired of answering questions about him. No question he is a top-flight athlete and by that definition he would make any team better. It's the other crap you get with this nut-job that you have to put up with. I'm not in the locker room with this guy so I don't REALLY know how it is to play with him.

A lot of times the media drives the public into thinking the way someone should think about something or someone (i.e. Al-Jazeera West aka CNN). That's not always the way things are. The only thing that bugged me about him so far was after he dropped the 4th and 2 pass Monday night he was shown laughing on the sidelines. He is the first to lash out at someone for not playing up to their potential and there he is smiling. I miss the days when someone like Ditka or Butkus would have taken one of these high priced punks and beat the shit out of them.

The Timinator played linebacker at Sam Houston HS in Arlington, Texas, where he was known as "White Chocolate". We at the Vicarious Life think that the Timinator would make a good County Sheriff.

* Ever since ESPN let Keith Olbermann back on-board, it's been an on-the-air keg party for socialists. The Bush-bashing happens at almost every telecast of Sportcenter.

* No one has pointed out that my pick for the World Series actually lost. Thank you. The loss was devastating enough.

* Chicago's Sean O'Connor points out that watching a game involving a team you hate can actually be more exciting than watching your favorite team. Whoever is playing your enemy becomes a surrogate-favorite. Sean hypothesizes that we men may actually dedicate more energy to our foes. I found this phenomena to be true this past weekend as I cheered on the Texas Tech Red Raiders against the reviled Longhorns from Austin. Henceforth, this will be the Surrogate-Favorite Theory.

Memoirs of the Eleven-Year-Old All-Stars

Sometimes I marvel at my kid's memory of games-played. He will pass a kid in another town and recall having struck him out. Then, he'll recall something about the game that stimulates my memory. Kids' games are important and formative. It's ironic that we sometimes don't appreciate that, though we might vividly recall the play-by-play of childhood games from decades past.

Two of my good highschool friends from Chicago, Sean O'Connor and Todd Projansky were shaped by the game too. They recall the setting, the players and the atmosphere from the otherwise forgotten days on anonymous fields where (unbeknownst to their parents) men were tested and legends were crowned. Projo, whose daughter is an All-Star caliber goalie on her all-boy's hockey team, appreciates the formative influence of sports.

O'Connor:

Projo was pretty good at baseball. We both played at Glenbrook South (our highschool) and at Maine Northfield little league.

Those in the Glenview Little League used to strut around like they were the sh#t. But I'm sure our all-star team could have beat them. Projo is all about the baseball....

Projansky:

Glenview vs. Maine Northfield!! Ah yes, the good ole days. The greatest game I ever participated in was as an 11 year old (circa 1978)in this storied rivalry. (Projansky played for Maine Northfield.)

Glenview put Peter Janus on the mound (later played at Rollins in Fla. and was a walk-on at Miss. State prior to that with Palmeiro, Thigpen and Will Clark). Maine Northfield countered with Marc Bartalotta (played at both U. of Houston and New Orleans with Jim Bullinger).

The Glenview (Illinois) lineup had Jim Niemann (a real bastard who beat me (Titus)in a fight in 1981 when we were highschool sophomores), a guy with a beard and mustache named Harris and several other luminaries. The Maine Northfield lineup had a psycho named Rob Orlowski behind the plate who scared the crap out of me, but at least he was on my team.

The 6 inning game is in the top of the 6th. Each team had 1 hit in the game and it was tied 0-0. I come up with a man on 1st and 2 outs. I muscle up and 1 hop one off of the fence. The man on 1st (Mitch Oppenheim who was a druggie and rock and roller from Maine East) didn't realize that there were 2 outs; so he wasn't moving on contact. He held at 3rd. It could have been the game-winner. The next guy popped out.

We head to the bottom of the ninth with the starters STILL on the mound (no pitch counts back then). Janus walked. He then proceeded to steal 2nd and 3rd and come home on a wild pitch.

I feel so much like Al Bundy regaling in my pre-pubescent glory. Good times.
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At the ballpark, boys will be boys. And, some boys will be legends. Legends, baby!

And, most parents think they're just dropping their kids off at the ballpark to pass the time.

Pity Poor A-Rod

Steinbrenner took somebody’s good advice: keep A-Rod. Although it may just be a smoke-screen, Gotham’s Team is saying that they aren’t considering dumping the converted 3rd baseman. Good! The Yankees put the “fun” in dysfunctional. They are an impossible organization, with unrealistic, pseudo-ballgame-intellectuals for fans. As long as Steinbrenner has been the boss, his town has eaten highly-touted free-agents like they were Ballpark Franks.

Kenny Rogers sure seemed to relish the humiliation of the Yankees in Detroit last week (10/6/06). For the record, The Gambler gunned down New York’s latest Murderer’s Row for 7.2 innings, posting 8 K’s, 2 BB’s and no earned runs in front of the Tiger’s home crowd. In addition to the obvious incentive, Rogers wanted to show Yankees’ fans that they had misjudged and mistreated him, after labeling him a $20 Million free-agent bust in 1996.

The crux of Gotham’s Chicken/Egg Issue is this: either A.)Do free-agents put on pinstripes, underachieve and draw boos? or B.) Do they put on pin-stripes, draw boos during the inevitable adjustment period and then failure snow-balls? Based upon the following list, I tend to choose option “B”.

Does anyone remember Jack McDowell? How about Jose’ Contreras? Steve Karsay or Danny Tartabull? During the tribulations endured by these very good players, a younger Steinbrenner’s M.O. was to take his losses, put the blame on the players, and move on to the franchise’s next potential savior. By the way, don’t you think that Randy Johnson’s favorite player in the clubhouse is A-Rod? Thanks to all the attention, less ink and expletives were cast in the direction of The Big Unit’s 5.0 regular season ERA.

Of the $25 Million A-Rod earns per year, the Yankee’s pay only $17 Million of it, thanks to the Rangers’ charitable send-off. That’s actually less than Jeter, Giambi and Mussina. So, Yankees fans ought to stop choosing the “salary” stick to beat him.

A-Rod had a down year, by his standards. He only tied for 8th in homers in the A.L. Terrible. He only batted .290 during the regular season. Inexcusable. He had a better on-base percentage than White Sox MVP candidate, Jermaine Dye. Oh, yeah. Alex should hang it up and start selling cars.

Yes, he had fielding and throwing errors when it mattered, not to mention his failure to produce big hits at big moments. But, this season in New York shouldn’t exemplify A-Rod’s let-down. It should instead magnify the unfortunate results of Yankee Fans’ sad tendency to eat their young. Kenny Rogers barely got out of town with his skin and his dignity intact, back in ’97. Is it any wonder why he seemed so especially jubilant last Friday Night?

The Southwestern Swami Speaks

If you're reading this, you're probably a parent. If so, are you raising your kid to be a leader of others? Yes? Then, spank the fire out of him/her when they are (shall we say) testing the limits of discipline in your household. During my childrens' upbringing, I have erred on the side of excess when it comes to corporal punishment. I know Dr. Spock would disagree with my approach. But, his famous handbook to parenting came out in the 1960's. And, look at what a counter-productive counter-culture that became.

USAToday canvassed today's CEO's on the issue of whether or not they were spanked, switched, beaten. Check out the results. And, for heaven's sake, beat your kids if you love them.

The St. Anne's Wildcats are scheduled to take on the team from Nederland Central today at 6:30PM. Central is much bigger than our humble Catholic School. But, so was the Great Philistine. I believe in our boys. I predict an upset. I'll tell you one thing, I've got a great track record of sports prognositcation. Read on and be amazed.....

Hate To Say I told You So Dept.
Last October I recounted Pudge's Greatness. (Click on the previous sentence to read my insightful words.) Last August 24th, I predicted the Tigers were this year's team of destiny. (Click on the previous sentence to be dazzled by my analysis.) And, I predicted the Twins would make the playoffs (August 22nd Entry) once Beaumont's own Jason Tyner was called up. Tyner was called up July 14th, 2006. When Tyner was called up, the Twins were a hopeless 12 games out of 1st place. On the date of my fearless prediction, they were 8 games out. 8 Games out!!! That's like having $1.76 in change, and saying you're going to buy an Escalade.

So, I think I've established my credentials in the realm of sports-predictions.

Titus Throws for 2 TD's in win over Lumberton

John Titus threw two TD passes during St. Anne's visit to Lumberton. What makes it more compelling is that the two were the only passes thrown in the first half. Two for two for 14 points. Not bad. His team ended up winning 26-0. So far, he's 3-0 as the starting QB.

The Junior had his IPod on all the way over to the game. I could hear him jamming to Kashmir, by a little known British quartet, Led Zeppelin. He did indeed get his inner-psycho on for this game. He had a run for 40 yards on one run, where he shed some tackles most aggressively. A very nice little overall performance.

In football,it is very evident how much one player depends on another for team success. This team's coaching, offensive line and running back group are all very good. Every player does his job. Everybody succeeds.

The Down-Low

You can't put too much garlic on a dish. It's always safe to double the amount of garlic that is called for in a recipe.

It is not a widely disseminated, downloaded or discussed fact that the average life expectancy for all pro football players, including all positions and backgrounds, is 55 years. Several insurance carriers say it is 51 years. - Michael Arnold Glueck, M.D., and Robert J. Cihak, M.D.

Fire Fran Now

Since taking over in 2003, Coach Franchione has fearlessly led the Aggies to a combined 16-19 record. During that time, A&M has played OU, Texas and Texas Tech a combined 10 times. Our record in those games, since the arrival of the current coach: 1-9. Is it just me, or did we really not find a love-connection here.